I have conversations on a regular basis with people who have been affected by adultery.
Adultery is a violation of the marriage vows of faithfulness.
Committing adultery isn’t unforgivable but it is irreversible. Any sexual experience outside of the marriage bond is adultery.
Adultery is the ultimate act of selfishness…"I want what I want.” Adultery is giving in to want, no matter the cost. Adultery is the 7th Commandment.
When you read chapters five, six and seven in Proverbs, you read and learn more about adultery.
99% of all cases of adultery are emotional rather than sexual. Emotional bonding with someone who is not your spouse is the first step towards infidelity.
Let me encourage you to put up safeguards in your life to keep you away from the trap of adultery. The Bible says “be sure that your sin will find you out.”
The emotional chaos caused by an extramarital affair is one of the hardest things to overcome. The feelings of hurt, pain and betrayal are devastating.
You violate trust and respect and deeply wound the person who you took sacred vows with…the one you had promised to love and honor till death and who has always been there for you, in good times and bad.
Why is the big question…Why do people commit adultery?
The love of a third person makes the person feel attractive, appreciated and desirable – perhaps they felt that they weren’t experiencing that at home (never an excuse)
You will find that having an affair has made you lose self respect and develop a gigantic sense of guilt over what you have done to your spouse. This guilt may work in one of two ways – undermine your own sense of self-worth and create emotional turmoil (anger rage acting out) or justify your transgressions and falsely blame everyone else instead of yourself. Or both!
Where do you go from here? Here is my top 10:
1. Immediate counseling both – individual and together.
2. The process of forgiveness (will take a long time)
3. Trust must be rebuilt (will take a long time) Boundaries put in place.
4. Knowing why – what are trigger points?
5. The couple needs to learn the needs of each other and meet them.
6. 100 percent commitment to rebuilding your marriage
7. Your relationship with God must be priority
8. Need support of family and friends
9. Be in church every Sunday (not the cure but will help to be under the word)
10. A 100 percent commitment of never speaking, texting or contacting the other party again.