Marriage Wars (Vickie Flockhart)

For the first time ever, I am going to have a guest blogger…my wife Vickie. We have been on vacation together and have had some great discussions about a million topics, but mainly marriage.

We have discussed our own marriage – great memories and even some not so great memories. We have discussed and prayed for other peoples’ marriages. We have even counseled over the phone on this vacation fighting to save other people’s marriages long distance!

I’ll tell you again…Fight For Your Marriage!

Marriage Wars by Vickie Flockhart

We are ending one of the greatest trips I have ever been on. A simple trip, no shopping, no bowling or putt putt, no sporting events. Just my husband and I hanging out, talking, watching sunsets (we don’t do sunrises! lol), watching movies, swimming, laying in the sun and sitting by the ocean. Resting and enjoying each other’s company.

Every couple needs this. Every couple needs that time to focus on each other and just talk with no interruptions.

Every couple faces the attacks from the world and from the enemy on their marriage. They forget why they fell in love, they forget how to talk, they forget how important it is to spend time together.

They forget why it is important to fight to stay married. It becomes too easy to file for divorce, throw it all
away and walk away. Marriages are discarded like old shirts because something new and prettier is
available. It’s too easy to walk away from commitment.

I watched a movie recently called “Bride Wars.” In this movie, Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway star as two best friends who grow up dreaming of the “perfect” wedding. You know, the type in fairytales – gorgeous dress, best venue, prettiest flowers, awesome cake, famous wedding planner on hand – everything to make it “perfect.” I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with having a gorgeous and memorable wedding day but I did think to myself that many marriages would be saved if the time, energy, research, attention to every detail, focus, etc… was  put into the actual marriage as went into the wedding day.

And let’s cover another detail…the children involved. No one walks away from divorce unharmed but the kids suffer the most. Their entire world is turned upside down, everything as they know it changes. Holidays turn into “every other one with Mom”, weekend visitation, absent Dads (or Moms) and worst of all, the kids walk around carrying the guilt and wondering what they did or didn’t do to destroy their parents’ marriage. Don’t fool yourself, the children ALWAYS suffer in a divorce.

I guess in summary, I would just encourage you to do everything humanly possible to save your marriage. Put up safeguards and do things early on to strengthen your marriage and prevent you from being such easy prey. Examples: be active in church (more than just showing up on Sunday mornings) Be involved in Bible study/Small Groups; Serve in your church; be faithful in your own personal time with God; date your spouse; do things like write love notes; talk and laugh together; reminisce about why, where and how you fell in love.

Most importantly, view your marriage as the valuable gift that it is and determine in your heart that you and your spouse will treat it with care and use it to bring glory to God!

Be committed to your marriage…don’t let the enemy destroy another family – YOURS! Claim Gods promise in Jeremiah 29:11 for your marriage and your family today!


3 thoughts on “Marriage Wars (Vickie Flockhart)

  1. So…my first question is WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT THIS? Marriages are falling apart everyday. What about those that are just barely squeaking by? Frankly, sometimes there is a lot of lip-service in the area of marriage. We all know that husbands and wives need to date each other, need to pray together, need to focus and fight for the covenant they made to each other and to God. BUT, who’s there to help make sure that happens. I think as a church, there needs to me more than just saying this is what needs to be done. There needs to be a corporate focus and determination to ensuring marriage is held sacred by the entire church and that everyone in the church is doing something to make sure marriages are getting what they need.

  2. I totally agree that marriage is a sacred covenant between a man, woman and God. Is there ever a time other than for adultery that divorce is the right thing? I also agree that the children are the ones who are hurt the most. Adults have reasoning capabilities that young children do not have. But having been the child of a divorced couple and a real “daddy’s girl”, as an adult I know that divorce was the best situation for my family. I shutter to think of what my life would have been like if my parents had stayed together…the situations my father would have gotten us into are unthinkable. There would have constantly been shady people in and out of our home, drug runners, theives, and God only knows the other types of unsavory characters. Our home was not a safe place for my mom or us children. So…what is the answer. I know of other situations where the wife is abused and the children suffer watching the abuse, and often grow up to be abusive themselves…as in the case of my sister and nephew. I totally agree that you should do everything you possibly can to save your marriage, but what if you have done that, prayed for years infact, but still suffer at the hands of an abusive, egomaniacle, evil person? Does God really expect a woman to stay in that sort of situation and be emotionally, verbally, financially, and physically abused and the children see all this? What if the young son who loves this father so much, but is too young to understand the manipulations of the father begins to act as his father does. AND most little boys long to be like their dads, but don’t understand when they are not being good. What about the woman who is so beaten down emotionally and mentally that she loses who she is, yet clings to her faith, her prayers and waits for God to intervene. What if God’s silence is actually Him telling her that she doesn’t need to stay? Please…I need some direction here.
    My post yesterday was not added and I apologize if it seemed inappropriate.I truly did not mean it to be offensive. I do believe and especially in these “last days” that Satan is attacking our world with all he has. He has demons at work to deceive anyone and everyone who may be even slightly vulnerable. The Bible tells us in Ephesians that we do not wrestle with flesh and blood, but against spiritual wickedness in high places. I believe that Satan can have hold of a person, just as God can, so if a woman is a believer and does everything she is commanded to do, the husband is deceived to think he is a believer, but surely never acts it, other than to manipulate people, does God expect her to stay in that marriage. When she is so beaten down there is not light in her eyes, unless she is away from her husband. Where does GRACE fall into play. I can’t believe that God, the one I have a personal relationship with wants her to stay there. I believe that His Grace is sufficient to cover her leaving the marriage. If it wasn’t then we are denying the grace that He sent when Christ was crucified on the cross. Jesus’ shead blood is sufficient to cover marriage and the divorce. The Old Testament laws were given before Christ was born, yet man continued to sin even to the point that God sent a flood to destroy all things, save Noah and his family, because only Noah had found favor in God’s eyes. Mankind began to sin again after the flood, so that God had to send Christ to cover our sins, because He knew that sin would once again consume the earth. From Jesus on man is covered by Grace and not bound by the laws of the OT. We are still to follow the laws as an example of a justly way to live, but Christ alone is our salvation. He is our saving GRACE. Because we can not strictly adhere to the laws, we are covered by GRACE.
    I totally understand your hearts concerning marriage. My marriage has lasted 31 years and will till Christ comes to take us home, but not every marriage is good or can be saved. I know you need to be so careful as to not lead anyone astray, but there are people in our congregation struggling with this very thing, and they hear you say fight for your marriage no matter what…They may be staying in an unsafe and unhealthy relationship, when they should seek shelter and rest away from the marriage. Please take this as a matter to pray about and maybe a subject for further discussion. I know nothing happens that God’s hand is not on. He causes all things to happen, but sometimes we don’t win all the battles. The main thing is winning the war and sometimes there will be losses on the road to God’s will. Sometimes He has to bring us through the fire to refine us into His perfect vessel.
    Thank you for your time in reading this. I know it is long, but this is a very BIG subject.

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