Have you ever noticed that the closer an object gets to the light, the more clearly you can see that object (obvious, huh?) The more that you are in the light, the more dirt that is exposed. The closer you get to Jesus, the more of yourself is seen and in my case, it is not pretty! Here are my top three issues that I seem to have always struggled with.
#1- Self Worth
I need people to admire me. I need people to respect me, to know how hard I work and that I am really somebody. I need the admiration from others in order to feel good about myself and to feel like I have value. I struggle with this and I have since I was young. I am seeing more and more of this in me, but I also realize who I am in Christ. I overwork and I know why I do. I need to be successful. It’s a constant struggle.
I tend to get angry when I feel rejected or undervalued. (See #1) I get angry when someone makes me feel stupid, or states “that was stupid”, or when I do something that I feel is stupid. I get angry when I feel like I am losing an argument or when the other person is not seeing it the way that I do. I get angry when I feel that others do not care what I am passionate about. I have learned that anger says “you owe me, you took something from me”. I know the right answer, I just seem to get angry anyway.
Do you want to know what I worry about the most? The fear that I am not going to be succesful; the church is not going to grow; no one is going to get saved; people will get mad and leave; I’m going to be average; I am never going to reach my God – given potential; I am going to be a failure.
I’m sure you are thinking, “Wow, you are really messed up!” I know! But so are you. James 5:16 says, “Confess your sins to one another and you will be healed.” I am not a priest, but I am your brother, so go ahead and confess away. I am listening and will certainly be praying.
What are your top 3?